I am now officially a trainer :) I am now training billable to the client. It means more demands and expectations from the people at work. But I'm ok with it.

Thank God! Finally!

And finally I have the time to write.

I just bought a good refurb of a P4 with a 512 RAM with a flat screen 15" monitor. Its almost new. And only for 15 gran, I say not bad. My brother is now enrolled in a computer school and he badly needs it.

I'm still working hard and I feel that I'm ok lately. Still the shy, overly conscious little girl. But I can get over it.

They say I'm gaining weight but other people say i look better this way LOL!

Anyway, Gold's Gym is already operational upstairs. But at 700 a month....eek! I have to find another way to excercise. Can't seem to fit in my clothes anymore.

My trainees say that I now really look like their mommy LOL!

It's been a while ne?

Finally I find time to blog! Why? Because school is over: in Unciano and at the office.

I have just graduated.

I just finished my fourth and last(?) batch of Benefits trainees. I will go under training by the same trainer from the client for a second LOB. Talk about full-circle, but this time, I shall train other agents right away. But I am still getting agent-level pay. My boss says "soon" and "within the month". I'm tired. I'm sticking to his word, though, if April passess by and nothing happens....



I was reading through the entries here and look back on the past year. Summer is here again and realize how I've changed. But one thing still rings clear: It's training or bust.

PLANS:
1. Be a full-pledge trainer by the end of April.
2. Be a full-pledge midwife by the end of the year. (Board exams are on November)
3. Apply for work in Canada or Australia.

STRATEGY:
Ora et Labora

train train train

i've been pulled out of operations to train people. i guess i have teaching thick with me.

my informal teaching career:
i've coached moms how to give birth.
i've taught them how to take care of their kids.
i've taught kids their multiplication table.
and now i teach at a call center.

is it just me or can i whispers behind my back "why delle?" "can she make it?" "she's too young!" "darned lucky beeyatch!" (have i told you how paranoid i am?)

but it's not just because i'm paranoid. i really want to do good. i want to prove myself that i am capable of teaching. and most of all, i want to share what i know and help people break into the biz. thank God, a lot of help is being given to me because i know its going to be tough tough tough. i wouldn't know who to trust. politics is the lifeblood of a call center. but if you ask me, i would't want to get entangled in such a mess.

i never asked for it, but it's not like me to refuse opportunity when it knocks at my door. i know it will mean a lot more sleepless nights: more work, responsibilities and dirty dirty shit.

I'm up to it. it can only leave me callused, yes. but calluses are a brand of strength, experience and wisdom. it won't rob me of my heart anyways. and i still have my friends. kahit paubos na kami, laban parin!

i have bills to pay for, brothers to take care of, my future to worry about and miles to go before i sleep, and miles to go before i sleep.

COLEGIALAS IN THE PAANAKAN

We have Senior Nursing students doing duty at the Paanakan, for two semesters, in three round the clock shifts. They're from a posh exclusive school in Manila. They're all rich, fair skinned and pretty. I was feeling generous one time and brought everybody turon...but then again they had ordered fastfood. ouch! oh well they're nice enough and very eager to learn. (nanay is making reklamo about the new people from Unciano who don't seem to give a damn)

I thought they'll get shocked at the mere sight of a kayumanggi woman from the masses sitting upright to give birth. I thought they'd faint at the idea of not having epidurals and hospitals gowns. My tita (another nursing student) says that they're so nice to look at doing duty in the hospitals, so nice and neat and pretty, but disappear when someone bloody and screaming enters the ER. Here in the paanakan, they only cringed at the beginning. But when they realized that there inevitably will be times that they will have to do the job.

a good reality check for them and for me as well.

i'm a konyo-phobe. i react adversely to strange, rich and maarte people. but it's not good to judge people so quickly. it's not their fault that they were raised burgis.

but we found common ground by being professional. we all have the same job to be done: caring for the women. and we all wish that we would receive the same kind of care when our own time comes. we have the same fears. we are all women.

At your service,
Delle the Kikay Midwife

More training...

We have survived the first week of product training. sooo much details! truly info overload! but we had a lot of fun and our trainer from the US is nice nice nice.

Our wave now has its share of scandals, juicy gossip and frou-frous, and it's only the third week! I do hope we can get to nesting and beyond smoothly from now on. But i do expect the worst. But i'm glad that despite (or maybe because of?) the drama, we have become closer to each other.

I'm still adjusting to the whole night shift life, but I could say, with the juicy pay, its well worth it.

I do miss midwifery work though.

wtf...
GREETINGS BORED ULIT!

Congratulations to the beautiful Sang'gre of Midwifery! You are my big inspiration. I hope we get our dream of setting up a clinic together when we make ipon already. Let's keep in touch mga sis! Ahlabsha!

Hello to my wacky wavemates, team leaders, QA and trainers!

Congrats to my wavemates for surviving the first week of training. Galingan sa Product Training ha! Walang bibitaw!

VIVA LA SUMMER!

Grabe ang init! kumukulong summer. Congrats to the Sang'gre! We made it and we made it together! ^_^

I now work in a call center (as a trainee pa lang) hope I get through this one because its tough tough tough. I was superafraid at the beginning. i keep thinking that "hey some of my friends already have done so much, i feel like a naive ignoramus." Then I saw some people at the call center that are so maporma... like I wouldn't fit in. And then of course it my first job, i didn't know quite what to expect. I'm a kid midwife, what do I know about talking to americans on the bloody phone in the middle of the frikkin night? Of course my eternal, fits-everywhere-that-I-am question was "would I be good enough to survive"?

And now I see that I have found another family. We have laid the foundations of our friendship and I hope this lasts through product training and beyond beyond beyond. I'm not allowed to say what account we actually handle but let me safely say that although we are very different people, we share a common background (wink wink). I wonder if other agents from other accounts share the same wavelength among their team mates like we do.

I also see that MAYBE I could actually do this and be worthy of the money I'm paid for this. Maybe I'm gonna do this for a little while. Maybe.

My company has a lot of facilities. I hope they open up a gym for us. I dont want to grow an "office-chair butt". I'm investing in a good eye gel, a cooling blindfold and a moisturizer so I wouldn't look so dead. Also in a concealer and a good shimmery blush so I'd cover up any bad days/nights (its hard to tell) when I do look dead. I think i have to see a derma now so acne wouldn't degrade me into zombie status. (yeh yeh I'm so vain I know) I'm also going to buy a sweater in the middle of the summer coz its frikkin cold (a sensation I'm not too familiar with) And also some sensible office clothes.

I will still visit the Paanakan for a much needed change of scene. I still love the work there for women. I'm getting my license soon and the Paanakan is the best place to review.

This is a very interesting summer.

IKATLONG KWENTO : THE BABY IN THE BAG

December 10, 2005, Saturday. I'm going to find it hard to forget that date.
Dec 10 : two days after Fiesta ng Antipolo, Nuestra Senora dela Paz y Buen Viaje.
Right after hospital duty.

It kind of felt good to go to church to pray right after duty, since katabi lang halos ng Soriano-Leyble Maternity and Medical Hospital ang simbahan ng Antipolo. We were praying and one of the Sang'gre heard a baby cry. The helpless voice came from behind us. Paglabas namin ng simbahan, sabi niya sa amin "Narinig niyo rin ba 'yun? May batang umiiyak." and she told us she thinks that the cry came from inside the bag (gumagalaw yung bag) of a young woman who was sitting behind us. When she felt that someone had noticed the "crying bag", the lady took off.

We searched all around the church compound but we never saw the lady, the bag nor the baby.

Ang dami kong mga tanong:

Magagawa ba iyon ng isang tao, isang babae, isang ina sa walang kamuang-muang na sanggol?

Kung sino man siya (one of us saw her dress but not her face naka pang-sexy daw na haltered floral top...and dangling earrings), bakit niya ginawa yun?
Anong balak niya sa bata?
Anong balak ng Diyos sa babaeng yun?
Ano kaya iniisip niya nung magpunta siya ng simbahan? Humihingi ng dispensa sa Diyos?
Ano kaya iniisip nung bata habang nasa loob siya ng chic white leather bag na yun? (I do believe that babies can think, too)
How long does it take for a baby to suffocate in a bag? Did it hurt?
Who could the lady be?
What great (or terrible, or mediocre or sweet or kind) things the baby could have done if s/he was given the chance to live?
Did her/his mother try to abort her/him?
Will anyone find that bag too late or not? How will it feel to be the one to find that baby in the bag?

Ang dami kong mga "sana":
Sana hindi na lang niya nilagay sa bag yung bata. Hindi ba niya alam na mamamatay yun?
Sana iniwan na lang niya sa simbahan, sa ospital, sa kalye...anywhere na mahahanap namin siya na umiiyak man, humihinga naman.
Kahit hindi na namin sana nakita yung babae, sana nakita namin yung bata at naidala namin sa authorities.
Sana nasabi namin sa pulis (but then again sino ang isusumbong namin? hindi namin madescribe ng husto yung babae kasi ang bilis niyang nawala)
Sana isahang insidente lang ito. Pero alam kong di mabilang ang ganitong insidente. Just use your imagination to interconnect these : reckless youth, unwanted pregnancies, runaway dads, failing finances, post-partum dysfunctions, broken hearts, parental pressure, rising statistics etc. Swerte kami at inalagaan kami ng maayos ng mga magulang namin...which leads to my last "sana"
Sana may nagawa kami.

I know it was not in our hands. But i may just say that we did the best we could. The incident broke my heart. All I could do was pray.

I don't know what my reaction to this had I not been a midwife.

My next kwento will be about midwifery proper, its triumphs and perils, heartaches and joys. Midwives never enjoy these alone, there is always your coworkers, your superiors and most importantly, your patient with all the fears and hopes of an expectant mother.

I have been quite the loner for most of my life. I thought solitude was my only comfort. But being here in this profession made me reach out and realize, I am not alone, I need people and people need me.